Thee Pistol Whips, not to be confused with The Pistol Whips, have recently signed a contract with the ABC network to appear on an episode of the popular show "Wife Swap". Unfortunately for Thee Pistol Whips, due to the graphic content of the episode, it will never air.Ambiguous pleasure-seeker and guitar player extraordinaire, GT aka Lightning Greg, was initially excited about the opportunity to covet another man's wife until he realized that no sex would be involved. He also didn't realize that the contract stated that while only Lightning Greg was to be involved in the Wife Swap, the rest of Thee Pistol Whips were obligated to do Production Assistant work, this time only figuratively fucking the other members of his band.
"Lightning Greg" recorded his audition tape with "The Tigress", over a home-video poolside orgy shot deep in East Dayton, and sent it in to ABC. At the end of the tape, the Drummer, also named Greg, appropriately also known as Mr. Heavy, can be seen beating off sorrowfully in the corner. Executives were enamored by Lightning Greg's enthusiasm to swap wives and The Tigress' organ playing abilities. They were not however, impressed by Mr. Heavy's pitiful display of melancholy masturbation. Producers for the show thought that Lightning Greg would make a perfect candidate when they realized that their prepubescent daughters could grow thicker mustaches than he could.
Lightning Greg was contacted by ABC and after a lengthy explanation of the reason for using the word "Thee" instead of "the" at the beginning of the band name, Lightning Greg was scolded for pluralizing the word "whips" and using the word "thee" incorrectly to describe a singular person or thing, especially since there is no vowel sound after it. Finally, an offer was made and a deal was reached.
Not all members of the band were as enthusiastic as Lightning Greg was about doing the show. They agreed to do it because "GT was running out of people to have sex with and we didn't want him getting drunk and hitting on his sister" said bass-player Rattle Snake Shake. The instrument-wielding debauchees were unwavering and sorely aggravated when they found out they would be serving coffee and cleaning up after Lightning Greg and his new wife's mess. Fortunately for them, it didn't take long for the poor woman who was assigned to Lightning Greg to run out in disgust after having to adhere to his unchaste lifestyle rules. It was only a few hours before Lightning Greg apparently tried to swap his new wife for somebody else's.
You can catch Thee Pistol Whips performing at Lady Fest where they will be trying to raise funds to reopen the Dayton Swim Club.
