On August 12th, the Nintendo Characters' Union filed a lawsuit against local band Astro Fang for slander and unlawful use of the title of Nintendo's lamest game, Astro Fang Super Machine. The announcement was made during a press conference at the Toad Town Convention Center in the Mushroom Kingdom. During the press conference, Solid Snake, union president, read the following message:“Since Astro Fang's inception deep within the bowels of Bowser's Castle, in the heart of the Koopa Kingdom, they have done nothing but slander the good reputation of many of our finest Nintendo characters. Not only do they profit off of our names and representations, they make terrible music."
"River, the owner and driver of the original Astrofang Super Machine, a man we still speak of today, has seen his reputation and that of his beautiful Super Machine reduced to little more than the self indulgent music of a group of drunk talentless fucktards. Fucktards, mind you, who have not even offered to pay royalties to River, a man who is on his last life."
Harvey Birdman, the union's lawyer, believes that the union has a strong case. He stated, "Though what they're doing is technically slander, we're moving forward with a libel case because that will greatly reduce my need to prove special damages. I mean come on, my workload is cartoonish as it is."
VD was able to contact band guitarist and dude savant, Brian Saunders, who was incredulous at the news and had this to say. "You'd think that they [Nintendo] would go after Yakuza Heart Attack way before us," with bandmate Christian adding,"I mean they are literally stealing their sound!"
In a written affidavit, Mario stated “It’sa me, Mario!" adding, "I heard the song 'Tanooki Suit' on Astro Fang's MySpace page. They take a beautiful suit of awesome power, made by the Mushroom Kingdom's most amazing tailor, and they turn it into nothing but worthless koopa junk. It hurt my heart to hear such a beautiful thing represented in such a terrible way. Astro Fang should be banished to the Dry, Dry Desert”.
In related news, local band 8-bit Revival has secured their own legal representation in anticipation of potential litigation.
