M.O.T.A, Sunstorm Call it Quits; Harlots Trudge On

At what may be one of the best shows in Dayton this week, two local bands will be saying goodbye forever. Another band, however, will give testament to their own perseverance and dedication. While much weaker Dayton bands Mouth of the Architect and By Way of Sunstorm are giving up music altogether, Harlots will stay committed to their un-unique brand of derivative prog metal.

"All these other bands are sort of giving up, you know?" singer Christian Fillippo told VD. "But Harlots, man we just want to keep on playing." The band will be doing just that this Saturday at Blind Bob's in the Oregon District. Fillippo says fans will surely get a taste of the band's upcoming material at the show. "We are about to go into the studio to record a new record. We're hoping that'll be what finally gets us signed to Relapse Records, which is what we've wanted this whole time."

As for the lesser bands, [former -e.d.] M.O.T.A. bassist Kevin Shindle told VD, "It's all about the influences. Harlots have been ripping off Neurosis for years now. By Way of Sunstorm and us, we do too, but Harlots also copy Dillinger Escape Plan, which will make them even more appealing to Relapse. We figured we might as well just say 'Fuck it.'"

By Way of Sunstorm frontman and reigning king of Dayton hipsters Brandon Hawk had this to say: "Harlots just have something in them that M.O.T.A and Sunstorm will never have: grind parts. Otherwise all three of our bands would sound exactly the same. In Sunstorm's case, our drummer can't play blast beats, so we just can't compete."

"We know that there are bands that sound identical to ours all over the country," said Fillippo, "and that's just one more reason to keep playing."

Hometown stinksters Hooker Spit Windex will also be playing the show, along with Footbinder, a band so pretentious and antisocial they don't even have lyrics.

Gassett Disemboweled by Mouth of the Architect

Public will not have to stomach third benefit show.

Noted local John Gassett was exenterated yesterday around 4PM on the 400 block of E. Fifth Street in a gruesome attack by members of the sludge band Mouth of the Architect. According to witnesses, Gassett came into the 5th Street Deli to ask employee and M.O.T.A. keyboard player Jason Watkins if he could hang a flyer for his most recent benefit show. Watkins did not initially have a problem with the request. Until, that is, he noticed his own band's name on the flyer.



Promotional sticker for ill-fated event.
"Apparantly, no member of Mouth of the Architect had been asked if the band would play the show," stated police officer Jack Arnold at a press conference. "This set Watkins and drummer Dave Mann, who had been standing at the counter drinking coffee, into a blinding rage."

"Mann then threw his scalding hot coffee into Gassett's face," said the officer. "Meanwhile, Watkins jumped over the counter and just starting pounding on him. Horrified onlookers continued eating their sandwiches. Watkins reportedly asked the victim what cause the proceeds of the show would benefit, to which Gassett responded, 'I need money for more weed.'"

While Watkins continued to pummel Gassett, witnesses tell us that Mann broke a wine bottle over a nearby tabletop and drove the jagged weapon into the victim's stomach. The vicious Mann then scooped out much of Gassett's digestive tract, which Watkins is reported to have eaten. Authorities arrived minutes later, apprehending the suspects.

While the other members of Mouth of the Architect declined to comment, 5th Street Deli owner Robert Strong assured customers that there will be "a little bit of John Gassett" in the falafel for months to come.