On August 12th, the Nintendo Characters' Union filed a lawsuit against local band Astro Fang for slander and unlawful use of the title of Nintendo's lamest game, Astro Fang Super Machine. The announcement was made during a press conference at the Toad Town Convention Center in the Mushroom Kingdom. During the press conference, Solid Snake, union president, read the following message:“Since Astro Fang's inception deep within the bowels of Bowser's Castle, in the heart of the Koopa Kingdom, they have done nothing but slander the good reputation of many of our finest Nintendo characters. Not only do they profit off of our names and representations, they make terrible music."
"River, the owner and driver of the original Astrofang Super Machine, a man we still speak of today, has seen his reputation and that of his beautiful Super Machine reduced to little more than the self indulgent music of a group of drunk talentless fucktards. Fucktards, mind you, who have not even offered to pay royalties to River, a man who is on his last life."
Harvey Birdman, the union's lawyer, believes that the union has a strong case. He stated, "Though what they're doing is technically slander, we're moving forward with a libel case because that will greatly reduce my need to prove special damages. I mean come on, my workload is cartoonish as it is."
VD was able to contact band guitarist and dude savant, Brian Saunders, who was incredulous at the news and had this to say. "You'd think that they [Nintendo] would go after Yakuza Heart Attack way before us," with bandmate Christian adding,"I mean they are literally stealing their sound!"
In a written affidavit, Mario stated “It’sa me, Mario!" adding, "I heard the song 'Tanooki Suit' on Astro Fang's MySpace page. They take a beautiful suit of awesome power, made by the Mushroom Kingdom's most amazing tailor, and they turn it into nothing but worthless koopa junk. It hurt my heart to hear such a beautiful thing represented in such a terrible way. Astro Fang should be banished to the Dry, Dry Desert”.
In related news, local band 8-bit Revival has secured their own legal representation in anticipation of potential litigation.
BWAH HA HA HA!
ReplyDeleteBWAH HA HA!
Ok, the characters in Nintendo games have a union. I can go with that. But why is the union president making a statement at a press conference about this? Wouldn't Nintendo and the union be separate legal entities? It's Nintendo that would be suing over the rights of the video game title, not the union. And Harvey Birdman as the union's lawyer? Really? Harvey Fucking Birdman? That's just lazy, guys.
ReplyDeleteed lacy's invisible hair is funnier than this schlock.
ReplyDeleteed lacy's invisible hair is funnier than this schlock.
ReplyDeletewell, you guys sure showed them!
ReplyDeletemost amusing yet! and as for you overtly negative critics, loosen up already. its not like they are writing as a profession. its here for entertainment. and they aren't putting dayton pussy in ranking order! so....a great improvement i'd say!
ReplyDelete-jess
also...
ReplyDeletedoes ed lacy also get laid in third person as well?
-jess ( in first person)
This just in...
ReplyDeleteApparently 8-bit Revival has acquired the legal services of ex-Ace Attorney, Phoenix Wright.
Wright, the former star of a semi-successful series of Nintendo DS games, dramatically withdrew from the Nintendo Characters Union about a year ago. After a long contract dispute and legal battle with Capcom, Wright was removed from his own series and replaced with the younger, cheaper, Apollo Justice.
"After the first couple games were cult hits, I felt I deserved a bit of a raise. I mean I wasn't asking for Mega Man money, but I was making less than that little bucket headed thingie that gives him his power ups. I can't buy escorts and blow on that." Wright said.
Since then he has dedicated his practice to defending people being sued by the union he once represented.
"If they go through with this, I really don't think they (Nintendo) have a case. I mean, I can see them suing Astro Fang because they are horrible, but 8-bit is pretty good. I mean their singer's a little too whiny for me, but they are alright. Also, they aren't named after any specific game or character. Nintendo wasn't even the only 8-bit gaming system, so I think any judge in their right mind would throw this out immediately." he added.
More on this story as it develops.
This blog must be a swing and a miss. Only a few comments so far. Must not have been subversive and on the edge enough...
ReplyDeleteeh it's pretty good i guess!
ReplyDeletegod, just because more people went to the squid's eye show friday then have been to your last 20 shows combined doesn't mean you have to hate. i'm sure your punk band is really good and i bet your flyers have bats and skulls and other awesome punk things! right rocker.
ReplyDeleteI doubt god is a punk rocker.
ReplyDeletegod is not in a punk band.
ReplyDeletegod was in a punk band in 1975.
but, unlike don thrasher or other old fuckers - god never ages, so i can be in whatever band i want and be whatever age i want and i'm never creepy at all. well, unless you find god inherently creepy. in that case you're going to hell, so fuck you.
and fuck that hell-bound doucheybag who made the comment about the fliers - i'd never have some lame fucking skulls and shit on my flier. i'd also never be all spank-happy over nintendo games either.
but, since i am god i have a duty to remind you of one fact. astro fang or grizzzzzzzzzzy bear!!!!!!!!!!! or whatever faggy name they use - they suck big time. all squids eye bands suck. the gluons were okay, but they're off squid's eye now for not blowing keith with enough enthusiasm. the rest are terrible.
god can't sleep, so god might respond to more of the scribblings of his minions. or, god might whack off to the naughtyamerica family of porn sites. who knows?
sorry squid's eye didn't respond to your demo, bro!
ReplyDeleteit's cool. i got signed to secretly canadian last week. so my shitty album should be out by december.
ReplyDeletefeel free to drop us a line and explain how we get signed to secretly canadian, become a less shitty band, or how to post anonymously. i think i did it wrong!
ReplyDeleteAstrofang doesn't care about you. Why see them?
ReplyDelete+1 to Astro Fang comment.
ReplyDeleteastro fang loves you lol
ReplyDeleteThis is a blatantly homophobic posting. You guys must be racist. Just remember karma is a bitch with a strong strong pimp hand or something along those lines.
ReplyDeletedon't you mean homophoebic Erika, you like to spell it homo-p-h-o-e-b-ic, remember?
ReplyDeletemmmmmmmm astro fang makes my ballz hang lower
ReplyDelete