Now, those times are over ladies! It seems they all want to stop living their lies and start strapping into each other.
I have nothing against gay people. My uncle is gay and he is the coolest person in my family. My favorite server at Thai 9 is gay. Plus my old volleyball coach was a lesbo that could spike the ball to perfection. I don’t want people to think I am homophobic. I am totally cool with gay people. I just am mad that there are so many of them now, especially the dirty ol boys that I used to let inside me.
I just hate, with a passion that Christ couldn’t fathom, gays that call us girls sluts. These guys are drinking PBRs till they puke, then using that puke as a lube to fish inside each other’s ravines. This is total hypocrisy. PBR does not stand for Pretty Boy Rectum.
Why can’t you guys stop fooling around with each other and let us ladies have a turn too. We can’t be sluts if we aren’t having sex, right?! So dear dirty hipster boys, please stop leaving the bars together and start taking us ladies home instead. Yes, we might not be able to keep you hard as long as your band mates can and we might run the risk of getting pregnant- but at least we are a natural solution to your irrational delusions.
Now, lets hope Bobs and Century can stop trying to be like Masque. The day Blind Bob agrees to have a foam party is the day I give up bartending Downtown and move to Portland where all the other dirty hipster gay guys run off to.
Guys, please fall back in love with our vaginas.