Kuan is a music act that abhors lyrics even more than they do using time signatures that are danceable. Too long now they have gone without scrutiny from the VD, but a recent tweet has brought this injustice to our attention.
Kuan was originally started in the early 80's by inventor of the
faux hawk, Charles "Chip" Heck, when he hit puberty. Overwhelmed by the hormonal soup coursing through his viens, he'd often have visions of sheet music that can only be described as nonsensical. Though he had no understanding of how to read sheet music, he nonetheless began furiously trying to put down on paper the nightmarish audio that continuously scrolled through his mind. It wasn't long after that fellow classmates Brett Nagafuchi, Paul Larkowski, and Bryan Wright took note of his odd obsession that Heck pursued even during school lunch in the cafeteria.
Larkowski knew how to read sheet music. He had studied long and hard hoping to one day become a rock star, but had no muse when it came to writing songs. As Paul looked over the demonic sheet music visions of unorthodox sounds leapt from the page. Then and there all four swore their devotion to bringing the songs to life.
The scene in Dayton for decades has failed to take serious note of this band, rocking on low simmer for more than two decades now. This is largely due to the extended period of time it takes to teach all four members a new letter of the alphabet which substitutes for titles of their "songs." In fact, the follow up to their release
Colors was suddenly put on hold months ago when the band was inundated with criticism from their only fan that they had skipped the letter F. One rumour had it that the band had omitted the letter due to its notorious usage in a certain curse word. Another rumour suggested the problem stemmed from Brett Nagafuchi's compulsive habit of mistaking every letter F he saw for an incomplete letter E and "fixing it" with a sharpie. In actuality Heck stonewalled the release of "F" since it was written about a subject for which he has much regret, his Fairborn tattoo. Turmoil has erupted amongst the band regarding whether or not to finally release the track. The strife has even put into jeopardy their performance at this year's Harvest Jam.
Many wonder about the future of the band, but there can be no doubt that as long as there's someone willing to pretend to be more obnoxious than
Frank Zappa, then Kuan will continue to be booked at a local venue near you.
